The mystery of Sinatra's gravestone switch

 Frank Sinatra is buried not far from the Twin Palms home that he occupied from 1947 to 1957. He lived there with his first wife Nancy and their three kids, and then with Ava Gardener after he and Nancy divorced. Katie and I drove by the house and peeked at the grounds from outside the gate, and then went over to the Desert Memorial Park cemetery to have a look at Frank’s grave.

  

According to Tony Oppedisano, author of “Sinatra and Me, In the Wee Small Hours”, Frank wanted his grave to be easily accessible to his fans. We found it not far off the main cemetery road just across from the office. It was a flat marble slab with the name Francis Albert Sinatra and below it, “Sleep Warm, Poppa, 1913-1998”. One single flower drooped in front. 

But this was not the gravestone that I expected. Every picture of his grave that I saw on-line had “The Best Is Yet to Come” and “Beloved Husband and Father” under his name. It looked like it had been recently changed, but why?

I found an article by David Lansing in the online magazine “Palm Springs Life”.  He too wanted to know why the gravestone was switched. When Lansing asked the manager of the cemetery, she said she knew what happened, but didn’t want to tell him.  He asked why and she said she didn’t want to get “in the middle of it” and suggested he ask Frank’s daughters or the police.

Lansing next requested the records from the police department, but when he got the records back, everything having to do with the incident had been redacted. Frustrated, Lansing asked his editor to formally request the records from the Palms Springs Public Records Department. He wanted two questions answered, who authorized the headstone change and when did it happen? The editor received a letter back that basically said they have the record but are not going to release it because “the public interest served by not releasing the record clearly outweighs the disclosure of the requested record.”

Lansing attempted to contact Frank’s daughters, but got no reply, so he tried contacting his granddaughters. One declined his request and the others didn’t respond. No one wanted to talk about it “…not the cemetery, not the police, not Frank’s daughters, not his granddaughters.”

Then out of the blue, Lansing was contacted by a person who was “connected to the Sinatra family for over 45 years”. All this person would say was that someone took a hammer to the gravestone and tried to chip out “Husband”. Because of the damage, the gravestone had to be replaced and “The best is yet to come” was changed to “Sleep warm poppa”, which didn't seem appropriate for someone who was dead and buried in the cold ground. But then "The Best is yet to Come" didn't seem all that appropriate either. 

In the article, Lansing talks about the animosity between Frank’s wife Barbara and his two daughters, Nancy and Tina. He gives several examples of the problems they had with each other. Lansing draws on information from Tina’s book about her dad. In the book Tina says that Frank used to always carry a roll of dimes in his pocket “so he’d never be caught short at a pay phone.” Before Frank was buried, Tina slipped a roll of dimes into his pocket with a note that said, “Sleep warm Poppa-look for me.”

Not only did Frank enter eternity with dimes for a pay phone and a note from his daughter, but also someone slipped a full bottle of Jack Daniels and a pack of Camel cigarettes into the coffin as well. Frank was buried like King Tut, having everything he needed for the afterlife.

Lansing quotes Tina from the book, “While I missed my father desperately in those months, I could hear him saying: Don’t despair honey, don’t despair. I could also hear him saying: Don’t get mad, get even.” And that’s where Lansing left it. So, it’s still unclear what actually happened, and I guess it will remain a closely guarded Palm Springs secret.

Frank was one of the most popular entertainers in the world. He had fame, fortune, many loves and a career doing what he loved to do. As I stood over his grave in the intense summer sun, the cemetery seemed eerily quiet. No one was around except for a few workers in the distance tending the grounds. The lonely, wilted flower next to the grave, made me think how fleeting and impermanent this life is.